I'm actually okay with having paid money to see that.

As a matter of fact, The Core may have started quite the action movie trend in Miranda's and my moviegoing practices. Especially on nights when we want oxygen-deprivation headaches from laughing so hard and long. I'd like to extend a very sincere apology to anyone in Auditorium 6 at Gainesville's Royal Park Theater who was there to actually enjoy the movie and had their good time spoiled by our commentary and laughter.

I've figured out why it is stars get paid $20 million a movie because that's exactly the only way how they could get me to say lines that bad/cheesy/clichéd with a straight face and more importantly, to retain enough of my dignity to be able to look at it in the mirror the next morning.

The movie itself is not worth talking about. My headache probably came from smacking myself so hard in the forehead every time another line of dialogue was spoken. The premise was ridiculous, and I don't care what element you invent you're not going to withstand the outrageous heat and pressures at the center of the earth. The whole trapped inside the geode sequence was cool ("I never taught Virgil to fly!"), but mostly it was third-rate digital effects, second-rate acting (how did they rope Hilary Swank into this?) and come now, "jump-starting" the Earth's core? I'll spare you all by saying that unless you have a like-minded companion with a healthy sense of humor, skip it.

But speaking of having fun...

So they were only six. But saving the world is still saving the world, phallic vessels made of "unobtanium" or not:
Commander Iverson - Totally Gandalf. It's like the fate of the world has depended on him before. He's the voice of experience and reason for our:
Navigator Beck - Frodo! Aaw, look at the rumpled, earnest, determined adventurer, jaded by and willing to make the sacrifices necessary for the greater quest.
Dr. Keyes - He's our scruffy Aragorn, sacrificing himself nobly and looking out for his fellow crewmates as well as what's best for the mission.
Serge - Keyes' faithful comrade and companion in suffering the mortal coil of undergraduate geophysics, who knew his actions would probably mean his end but did what he had to do anyway. He is our fallen but never forgotten hero, Boromir.

And we conclude with everyone's favorite duo, the Merry and Pippin of a future where Merry makes millions from writing books on his crackpot theories while Pippin has become a reclusive scientist who funds his own research putting them into practical use:
Dr. Zimsky - A bit mouthy out in public but having quite the mind and loyal heart, Zim is our chain-smoking snarkfest incarnation of Merry.
Dr. Brazzleton - Our bravely noble, eccentric little hobbit, Pippin. Level-headed and kind, he may seem simple and longs for home, but chooses to make the ultimate sacrifice so that Merry can carry on. We salute you, Braz.

"Everyone is asking how she could do that. But you gotta remember, the last time Halle Berry kissed a white man she won an Oscar for it."
-Chris Rock on Late Night with Conan about Adrien Brody's moment of passion

ETA: Colin Farrell is such a sweetheart! Can't believe I didn't tape Leno. *kicks self* Though they did rerun all the entertainment shows that had Lance stuff, so one time for breaking even.

Wow.

So, JC really licks that stage, huh? Mr. Doesn't-Wear-Underwear-Twice, Mr. Doesn't-Like-To-Be-Groped-By-Sweaty-Fan-Hands, Mr. Godly-In-His-Cleanliness seemed to lay it to the Madison Square Garden floor with an unparalleled enthusiasm. And that leer. Good lord.

This would probably be a good time to take that morning shower. Excuse me.

for your amusement

Go check out my girl at walkingshadow, for she has done cleverly well with the funny that was bound to come of LOTR cast as battle monkeys.