beyond the telling of it
Apr. 14th, 2002 05:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aruanlucky, he calls it.
she reads me recaps. she makes me pasta. she reminds me that i do in fact have talents, valid points, good ideas, and that special 'je ne sais quoi' that sticks like nobody's business through and despite anything else going on or down in my life.
envious, he says.
i honestly couldn't imagine what my life would be like if i had had to start all over when i got here, if she hadn't by some outrageous stroke of fate ended up in this more often than not dismal and unremarkable place. i probably would've gone crazy and sent my first semester up in alcohol bubbles and pot smoke.
the fact that i have three people i can claim as true friends already makes me obscenely fortunate. the fact that Miranda is only a choked phone call away when i have nights like this makes me dizzy with wonderment. little does he know just how much i owe to this misleadingly compact and docile-looking devil's advocate of the lighter side of the Force. put it to you this way: when i went to pick her up for coffee downtown, i was defeated and thisclose to some serious waterworks - i walked back through my door not four hours later laughing and determined. her mere presence seems to soothe, connect with, and speak directly to something restless and insatiable within me. sometimes i feel like a kid when i'm around her, like i'm back in middle school and convinced i know everything about the world, rushing into everything headlong and not really knowing how to deal with objective reality. our dialogue may be obvious-driven but with someone as actively not looking at the big picture as me, it's probably more a necessity than any evidence of simplicity on our part. and all this is okay, it's not immature or silly or irrational, it's not weak or wrong or something to be outgrown; it's fine, and i'm justified in feeling what i feel and my thoughts are valid and discussion-worthy and even if i am somehow mistaken or confused it's still fine, even better as i've not jumped to a conclusion or had the presence of mind to consider all sides regardless of being able to stand beside one or another. life is good and to each his own, we say and mean it even if the next comment past our lips is unabashed snark. ::salutes the Powers That Be:: they couldn't all be cloudy, 100% humidity days.
she reads me recaps. she makes me pasta. she reminds me that i do in fact have talents, valid points, good ideas, and that special 'je ne sais quoi' that sticks like nobody's business through and despite anything else going on or down in my life.
envious, he says.
i honestly couldn't imagine what my life would be like if i had had to start all over when i got here, if she hadn't by some outrageous stroke of fate ended up in this more often than not dismal and unremarkable place. i probably would've gone crazy and sent my first semester up in alcohol bubbles and pot smoke.
the fact that i have three people i can claim as true friends already makes me obscenely fortunate. the fact that Miranda is only a choked phone call away when i have nights like this makes me dizzy with wonderment. little does he know just how much i owe to this misleadingly compact and docile-looking devil's advocate of the lighter side of the Force. put it to you this way: when i went to pick her up for coffee downtown, i was defeated and thisclose to some serious waterworks - i walked back through my door not four hours later laughing and determined. her mere presence seems to soothe, connect with, and speak directly to something restless and insatiable within me. sometimes i feel like a kid when i'm around her, like i'm back in middle school and convinced i know everything about the world, rushing into everything headlong and not really knowing how to deal with objective reality. our dialogue may be obvious-driven but with someone as actively not looking at the big picture as me, it's probably more a necessity than any evidence of simplicity on our part. and all this is okay, it's not immature or silly or irrational, it's not weak or wrong or something to be outgrown; it's fine, and i'm justified in feeling what i feel and my thoughts are valid and discussion-worthy and even if i am somehow mistaken or confused it's still fine, even better as i've not jumped to a conclusion or had the presence of mind to consider all sides regardless of being able to stand beside one or another. life is good and to each his own, we say and mean it even if the next comment past our lips is unabashed snark. ::salutes the Powers That Be:: they couldn't all be cloudy, 100% humidity days.
