Sometimes they have to be talked into it, assured that we're not looking to blame. Sometimes they say they just want their loved one to be remembered as the person they were, not whatever dehumanizing act took their lives. And it does feel hideously inappropriate, every time. I come into people's lives at one of its worst moments as a stranger and ask them intimate questions. It's the part of the job I hate the most, and the part that never gets any easier.

I don't know if you've seen the photos and excerpts they've been airing from the package he mailed to NBC, but this was an incredibly lonely kid who was bullied, abused, and at best ignored by his peers. And nobody is talking about any of that save for saying he's blaming everyone else. Anyone who's ever been the outcast knows what it's like to always feel like the outsider even when they're supposed to belong, like in a classroom. And I'm not saying mowing down a bunch of innocent people was justifiable, or even that it was the fault of the people who hurt him that he did what he did, but there is really no safety net in our society for people on the fringes who hurt quietly. Same for drug addicts - the resources are few, and there is no help for people who can't make their loved ones take advantage. This kid was angry at a fundamental flaw in our increasingly isolated, individualistic society, and I'm contemplating a follow-up post saying that that's what's really wrong here - us.

The people who spoke up on this kid's behalf, and there were many, are admirable, but there was really nothing to be done as long as he didn't hurt any of them, according to law enforcement. But there should be help, beyond a short stint in an institution, for kids like him. Loneliness should be recognized as the crippling, horrifying thing that it is.