in actuality, I just play one in Real Life

[aruan]

As far as what you said, Jon, I'd love to agree with you that my up and leaving for whatever places is exotic and daring, but really, it's just expensive road-tripping. Now that it's really mattering now, now that I stand to be miserable for another term, another year, another graduation and I am paralyzed with fear of the unknown and by the uninsurable. I'll cop to confidence once I'm actually doing something, but before and leading up to it, I vascillate and whine and puke from performance anxiety just like the next person. When I'm doing it though, it comes down to either I do it, or it doesn't happen and then why have I come this far and why the fuck am I here. I have an optimistic outlook on life and am ready to see the positive in things is what I hear from people. Well, yeah. Dwelling on some of the utter shit we're in varying depths of isn't conducive even to late afternoon rising. And really, most of the time, it's good to be alive.

A "pile of intrigue" though? Hot damn. I wanna be me right about there. :)


Packing and leaving bad. Lance and JC pretty. This is all for now.