I felt a bit like a tool, making that post after your very poignant one about self-image and the catharsis of emotion ending up on your friends' list of neuroses by proxy. And then especially Te's comment about 'if they think those things about themselves, what must they think of you,' etc. I didn't mean it in any such way. I always feel a little guilty venting like this because it's not meant as a cry for help, and obviously I haven't grown spine enough to address the real roots of my problem, so why should my friends be subjected to it? What's funny is that the weight thing? It's an entirely personal issue. I don't notice it about other people, nor do I judge them for it. I have friends across that spectrum, and it's even mostly a non-issue so long as I am satisfied with how my clothes look on me. I couldn't really care two ways about the entire matter until I go home and hear the same things I've been hearing when I was perfectly normal weight for my height back in the fifth grade.
As to rest of whatever I deal with there, whatever. I don't want to run my own business. I don't want to be any sort of doctor, much less a dentist as I find the whole rooting around in people's mouths thing repulsive. Yes, I could probably change things about my life or develop more discipline in others, but I'm obviously either not ready to, not yet motivated to, or not willing to as it's entirely possible that I'm dealing with something bigger. And they don't.get.that. When can I stop being a child, please?
It's probably a thing of great goodness that I'm not prone to "self-abuse" short of biting my nails, and even that I like to think is more anxiety-related. And honestly, sometimes when I feel like I did while writing that entry, I just want to smack myself upside the head because really, truly, I've got it good. In the place where I'm at, with the person I'm privileged to call my best friend, the things that I am doing and all the others there's the option of, there's no reason to feel any of these negative, irrational things. And that's even before I read others' posts about, you know, real problems. *hugs*
I didn't make the post to have people tell me I look fabulous, that I'm a great person and to hellfire with anyone who says otherwise. But I can't say hearing it hasn't been nice, even if it is a pretty subjective audience here. Truth be told, I like myself. Sure, I could be more motivated, social and punctual, but truly, if that's my list of sins than I think I'm better off than most. And it'll take a lot more than a few petty, narrow-minded people to make me lose faith in myself.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: March 5th, 2003 10:59 am (UTC)I felt a bit like a tool, making that post after your very poignant one about self-image and the catharsis of emotion ending up on your friends' list of neuroses by proxy. And then especially Te's comment about 'if they think those things about themselves, what must they think of you,' etc. I didn't mean it in any such way. I always feel a little guilty venting like this because it's not meant as a cry for help, and obviously I haven't grown spine enough to address the real roots of my problem, so why should my friends be subjected to it? What's funny is that the weight thing? It's an entirely personal issue. I don't notice it about other people, nor do I judge them for it. I have friends across that spectrum, and it's even mostly a non-issue so long as I am satisfied with how my clothes look on me. I couldn't really care two ways about the entire matter until I go home and hear the same things I've been hearing when I was perfectly normal weight for my height back in the fifth grade.
As to rest of whatever I deal with there, whatever. I don't want to run my own business. I don't want to be any sort of doctor, much less a dentist as I find the whole rooting around in people's mouths thing repulsive. Yes, I could probably change things about my life or develop more discipline in others, but I'm obviously either not ready to, not yet motivated to, or not willing to as it's entirely possible that I'm dealing with something bigger. And they don't.get.that. When can I stop being a child, please?
It's probably a thing of great goodness that I'm not prone to "self-abuse" short of biting my nails, and even that I like to think is more anxiety-related. And honestly, sometimes when I feel like I did while writing that entry, I just want to smack myself upside the head because really, truly, I've got it good. In the place where I'm at, with the person I'm privileged to call my best friend, the things that I am doing and all the others there's the option of, there's no reason to feel any of these negative, irrational things. And that's even before I read others' posts about, you know, real problems. *hugs*
I didn't make the post to have people tell me I look fabulous, that I'm a great person and to hellfire with anyone who says otherwise. But I can't say hearing it hasn't been nice, even if it is a pretty subjective audience here. Truth be told, I like myself. Sure, I could be more motivated, social and punctual, but truly, if that's my list of sins than I think I'm better off than most. And it'll take a lot more than a few petty, narrow-minded people to make me lose faith in myself.