on Heat:

For this week, Mark Snow and Remy Zero have graciously conceded to allow *NSYNC to produce the show's soundtrack, which basically consisted of sparkly angst on Clark's part. A moment to reflect:

( Tell Me, Tell Me, Baby )

( It Makes Me Ill )

( Best Of My Life )

( I'll Never Stop )

( It's Gonna Be Me )

[with the stomps of determination]

( Girlfriend )

( The Two Of Us )

[duet, baby. Du-et.]

At Which Point I Carry the Episode to Its Logical Conclusion:

( Giddy Up )

[never thought I'd actually use this one anywhere, but I think Clark deserves a little sumthin' sumthin' after all that]

I thought you'd see it their way. Even if Clark does seem to want a little more conversation than we're led to believe later on.


Onward with the Play-By-Play, because attempting to analyze this for deeper meaning would just be an exercise for the Gaydar I had to return to the manufacturer after the first ten minutes of the episode. Also, people have been saying funny stuff. Highlights have been properly attributed.

How can an episode showcase so many sweaty tits and STILL be the gayest thing on television?
-lexluvsclark

New school year? No shooting aftermath? I can't even start on this.

Nelly! It's getting' Hot In Herre, ya'll! I do love it so when my worlds collide.

You can't wear that in a public school! I couldn't wear that in a public school!

You know you're watching a Canadian sex ed video when there are moose involved.

Aaw. Clark thought Lex apparated in a particularly flashy roadster to cuddle him in style and wipe the soot smudges from his cheek. Maybe buy him a lolli, or just find something convenient to occupy his own worried mouth. But alas, t'was not to be in the crowded parking lot of Smallville High. Lex is a businessman now, Clark. Times and places. He really did look all "Aaw, Lex, you big worrywart, you didn't have to drop everything and come all the way out here just for little ole me."

Clark's jealous that Lex is getting married. Not happy for his best friend, not supportive of his sudden newfound happiness but rather sulky that he seemed out of its sphere of influence. Lex asking him to be his best man - did anyone else see how pained that made the poor kid? It was all he could do not to drag Lex behind a random pickup truck (heh) and persuade some sense back into him.

In any other episode, we'd have a pregnant pause here before asking Lex just how grateful he is for Clark's heroic efforts at protecting his ass. Ets.

Two words: Lex's.Lips. Because smirking is only the second best thing he does with them. They don't need to coax me down to sit through another hour of this if it means more of sweaty, gravel-voiced Lex.

We can't have too many Clark Is Jealous episodes. Why does he constantly look surprised when Lex shows up with girls? Every time.
-jenn

"Hello? Hi, I'm Clark, I'm the kid who can lift up tractors and see through walls." Oh to hear and see this in living color. ::wipes a tear:: The writers love us, they surely do.

Clark's worries at developing into a "firestarter." I guess Lex is not a talker.

Pause for the wedding, which happens so fast it's hard not to remember our rutting lion king.
-Thamiris

Stately Luthor Manor has a pool! Stately Luthor Manor has a good-sized outdoor pool, and I'm so far gone to joyous wet places it'd be far past the point of indecent to drag me back.

Oy with the writing. That Chloe/Clark exchange about the "hunky dory" sounded like it was written by a 13-year-old fanfic writer trying to make with the snarky. And utterly failing.
-plum_evil

The writers spent their summer reading fic, and will now attempt an entire season of trying to turn our tricks for the het camp. I await their best efforts, and if sheening, half-naked women aren't making these boys switch sides, I think the teams have been well-established.

I like Giddy-in-love!Lex. I do. I like sappy romantic, you-know-when-it's-right and love-is-grand and best-thing-to-ever-happen-to-me spouting!Lex. I like Happy!Lex. Always knew it was there, that he could be that relaxed, and not necessarily drugged.

He has a pretty good idea what's causing this and suggests mounting a scarecrow on a stake and setting it on fire? Manly pats and throaty 'that's my boy' laughter? I can't start, or I won't be able to stop laughing this time.

"A little less conversation, a little more action please." Not that The King should even have to ask.

The exploding popcorn thing? Comedy gold.

Clark really is completely adorable when he smiles. More, please.

Then the sweet boy, still reeling from his rejection, learns how to light candles, filling the barn like a scene from a Celine Dion video or a porno film, obviously expecting his most frequent loft-visitor, his naughty boyfriend.
-Thamiris

Naked teacher from fantasy life throws self at you. Something like naked girl from fantasy life in another episode throws self at you. It's like this pop quiz, what do you do? Nine out of ten respondents would throw party. Clark's answer seems to be panic. Panic, panic, panic. It's adorable.
-jenn

"The light was on. Actually I came to see you. What they lack in experience they make up for in passion." She's quoting fanfic at us!

"Clark, she just married Lex, why would she be interested in you?" Word, Chloe. Word.

"She's got a strange hold on him."
"Gee, I wonder what that could be." The episode's officially been surtitled "How Chloe Got Her Snark Back." (TM - walkingshadow)

"I don't know what you're doing to Lex, but I'm not dropping this." HoYay!

Chloe and Lana are going to form a girls' club! No boys allowed! "Thanks for the quid pro quo. Sometimes a little distance can give you a new perspective. I don't want Clark to come between our friendship. So what are we going to do about that?" They said it, not me.

"My faith in Clark evaporated along with my enthusiasm for the coffeeshop business." Now we know he's possessed. Also, his singular motive for drinking the dismal lattes has been, err, outed, as it were.

He won't back off even after threats made to his friends and family. And he doesn't believe Lex would do the same for him because...?

Jonathan insisting that a Luthor isn't all spiteful whimsy? Must be CampVille.

Mama Kent is officially back and batting for the home team. And wow but I wouldn't want her anywhere but firmly in my corner.

Gratuitous groping is always good fun. Lex's features can never ever be described as stoic or inexpressive again.

Clark's reading Bradbury in the loft! Bradbury in the hammock in the loft! Oh man. Oh maaaaaaaaaaaan. They do it all for us, I swear they do.

"Don't wait too long." Yeah, Lex is hip to Clark's less than subtle attempts at advocating properly-channeled passion. I wonder if it translates to "Carpe Lex."

Also, was it just me, or was it Clark coming out distinctly the gayer, all things considered?

"It's funny how she managed to seduce everyone but you."
"Hey, I guess she just wasn't my type."
Because she's got girl parts, see...
-musesfool

And Smallville's perennial source of wit and wisdom takes us out with:

Last night, the show flashed its campy drawers, and I'm here to tuck money in its g-string.
-Thamiris


Miranda: how you feeling?
Jules: eh
Jules: the day is done, the fic is good, I like the icon, you and Jon are saints
Jules: it'll be all right