New fic, shockingly enough.

[aruan]

I've owed Bassez to Ri forever and a day. This isn't what you asked for so many moons ago, baby, because we all know what happened there (which will get finished one of these days) but it is inspired by K's Choice's Believe. Mostly, that was me saying I suck, but they don't. Hope you like it.

*

JC is sitting in his dressing room.

He's staring at his reflection in the huge, too-brightly lit vanity mirror. He's been sitting there since finishing soundcheck, about two hours ago. The only sound is his own breathing, quiet and shallow.

Outside, he can hear the girls running up and down the theater's narrow back hallway, shouting about lipstick, missing buckles or runs in their fishnets but mostly just giggling and talking about the show, the afterparties. It's like a thousand other times he's done this, for longer than he hasn't been for years now.

His cellphone goes off, the shrill electronic wail of Hey Ya making him jump. JC swears he'll never license his songs for ringtones as he gets up to answer it.

Carlos must've found it before they left because he'd wanted to use it on the ride here, but it hadn't been in his bag. The ringing is coming from a duffel shoved into the footspace of the room's tiny closet, and he has just enough time to fish it out and check the caller ID just before voicemail would pick up.

Lance.

JC flips his phone open. "Is it stupid that I feel like I don't know what I'm doing?"

Lance stopped trying to figure out where he'd come into JC's thought process long ago and simply tried to catch up as their conversation went along. "Depends. Did you get an aquarium full of fish native to the Galapagos and think that guppy you had back in the fifth grade was experience enough to handle it?"

JC trails a finger along his reflection and laughs a little. "Something like that, actually."

Lance is silent for a moment. "Jayce," and that may sound like Lance's don't-be-ridiculous tone to anyone else, but JC knows what Lance is actually doing is stalling - he isn't the one good at this, talking circles around JC's circles - that's Chris, and he was, the last time anyone caught up with him, somewhere near the Mexican border of Texas. Lance is the one of them most in touch with the real world, all rational thinking and problem solving, and JC's nebulous thoughts and stretched metaphors fascinated him in the way the columns of numbers on his Excel spreadsheets do JC. But he doesn't speak in that language.

True to form though, he does play along as best he can. Some of the best conversations JC's had have been with Lance, because he's patient and doesn't try to force JC into a conclusion at every turn and really listens to everything JC says. When JC finally does find words for what's in his head, the first thing everyone always asks is why he didn't just say that and sooner, but it really doesn't have form until it comes out. It's not real, even to JC himself, and he rarely knows what he's going to say until he opens his mouth, but Lance can always be counted on to take him seriously.

Finally, he continues. "Well, MMC was hardly elementary school. If it had been, I wouldn't have had to stay after and serve detention all Senior year."

JC laughs again at that, this time genuinely. "Okay, maybe not."

"What's going on?"

JC sighs and starts twisting a lock of hair behind his ear around his index finger, nevermind that it'd taken close to an hour to straighten. "I've been looking at myself in mirrors. Two weeks of rehearsal, radio station bathrooms, photoshoot makeup rooms and it's like, I have to be something different to do this material, but all I see is what I've always seen."

If he closes his eyes, he can see the furrow between Lance's eyebrows. "Why?"

"It's different. The music, it's different and new. I'm supposed to be something different and new for the music, to do it right. I'm supposed to be... something. I don't know what, and I don't know if I know how."

Lance is silent but JC knows he's licking his lips, his thinking habit. "I don't think you do," he finally says.

Since JC's learned more about his face in the past month than in the entire rest of his life, when his eyebrows draw together he blinks in surprise at the way the gesture darkens his entire expression. He looks away from the mirror and sinks down against the door onto the carpet. "What?"

"Remember what you said when the LA then New York shows sold out? That they haven't even heard the record and how amazing it is that they're still coming out to hear it on blind faith?"

JC nods, then remembers Lance can't see him and grunts an affirmative.

"They're doing it because they know you, C. It's not blind faith because they know what you're gonna bring to the show."

JC kind of opens and closes his mouth several times without any sound coming out. He's always thrown when someone else, usually one of the guys or Tony or Brian or whoever is sitting next to him at the soundboard, points out an unvaryingly simple solution to whatever problem has had him awake for three straight nights. It makes JC wonder what he was doing wrong before, what he's been missing that's so obvious now.

"--ce? You still there?"

"I, yeah," he says.

JC can see Lance's smile, too, and realizes he's closed his eyes again. "So you're okay? Good to go out there and prove them right?"

"Yeah," JC replies, swallowing down most of the emotion behind it.

"You will, too," Lance says, sounding like he'd underwritten the whole solo project himself. "I'll see you in LA."

JC smiles. "Maybe I'll have it figured out by then."

"You're overthinking the rock star thing," Lance teases. "See you Friday night."

"Sure. And thanks." JC says, shutting his phone.

Lonnie raps on his door, which means two minutes to curtain. JC opens his eyes and stands, grabbing the white jacket slung over the back of his chair on his way out without giving himself a final look.

Comments

[walkingshadow.livejournal.com]

Whee! It is the Bassez! Go you for finishing it. :)

I loved this:

Some of the best conversations JC's had have been with Lance, because he's patient and doesn't try to force JC into a conclusion at every turn and really listens to everything JC says. When JC finally does find words for what's in his head, the first thing everyone always asks is why he didn't just say that and sooner, but it really doesn't have form until it comes out. It's not real, even to JC himself, and he rarely knows what he's going to say until he opens his mouth, but Lance can always be counted on to take him seriously

and this:

I've been looking at myself in mirrors

and if JC had ever had doubts like these, I would like to think they were assuaged just this way.

[gjstruthseeker.livejournal.com]

Except this means I never get to say I can't write fic with any kind of efficiency - I wrote this in five hours today, without any previous thought and the sole inspiration being K's Choice, which just happened to be the last song Ri was listening to (according to her latest entry.) It actually began as a personal challenge to see if I should post a ficlet request thing, but obviously not as there's no such thing as twenty-minute fic for me. Eh, maybe the guilt will mean I'll get to all the ones I still owe people.

In other news, thank you! This tried to go about three different ways before it picked a direction to play out. I like the idea of JC being able to come to Lance, who seems like he'd be a good listener (maybe out of necessity because his vantage point is so different from JC's) and let/help him work through whatever it was without trying to make it about himself or looking at the clock.

[spasticat.livejournal.com]

I've always loved introspective pieces that are a slice of life (or rather, pop life) and this really delivers. I enjoyed the languorous quality of this where JC is lost i thought interspersed with the light humor of two friends talking. Thanks so much for posting this. :)

[gjstruthseeker.livejournal.com]

Thank you for dropping by to comment. Not that I presume (well, okay, yeah I do) to know what actually goes on in JC's head, but sometimes he seems really like he's trying to figure himself out as hard as everyone else. And I liked the idea of Lance as his sounding board, someone close enough that he could say anything, but also patient enough to hear it out without trying to jump in the middle. Maybe not necessarily understand him on a visceral level (personally, I think Justin comes closest there), but make sense of what he's trying to say and give it an applicable-to-the-real-world spin.

[spasticat.livejournal.com]

That's the thing, JC and Lance seem to be opposites and your story addressed that. JC is a creative like Justin, they're more right-brain thinkers than Lance who, at least in fandom canon, is more a rational, business-minded type and can thus apply that "real-world spin" .

Again...thanks for this story *and* for putting up with my typos in my first response post. :)

[silveryscrape.livejournal.com]

he's patient and doesn't try to force JC into a conclusion at every turn

Brilliant.

[gjstruthseeker.livejournal.com]

That was me doing a little projection there - I sometimes have, not trouble but just need of being a bit longer-winded than most people find convenient in saying what I mean, and people take it as an opportunity to try and guess at it. It's annoying, and I think Lance would be a great listener in that respect, especially to JC because his vantage point is so different, he wouldn't presume to know anything. Which is so, so refreshing.

Thank you kindly, m'dear.

[synecdochic]

Oh, goodness, that was lovely. Real and simple and two very different people, but they have that connection anyway. That felt very beautiful :)

[gjstruthseeker.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the lovely note. Not that this piece was meant to be shippy, but the JC/Lance dynamic is a tricky thing in my head. It's actually this trifecta of personalities (appropriately enough) depending on my feelings toward the guys that day/what fic I've been reading/the weather, etc. This is where I think they really work though. I don't know if JC and Lance would've hit it off as friends if they'd run into each other wherever, but the fact that they're practically brothers (except when I'm reading really hot fic, of course) and love each other gives them that starting off point to taking the time (and effort, I'm sure) to understand (what I feel to be) very different points of view.

As laid-back as he is, I think JC could at times get too close to something so as to become unable to see the big picture, and it's not so much that Lance knows how to step back, he's just already looking at it with a wholly other methodology. I don't know if they would've been fast friends just from running into each other somewhere, but they have that foundation of love and trust and common experience that helps them relate, and make them want to take the time and effort to do so. Good friends, man. Hold onto 'em tight.

[fucking-jc.livejournal.com]

Wow that was... yeah :) I love when I can read something like that and picture every moment as if it were happening. Mark of a true talented writer.

:D

[gjstruthseeker.livejournal.com]

*blush* Thank you so much! I'm really happy to hear that it worked for you. I think the dialogue in this came off better than my usual. Little secret - I don't know if I buy the premise of the story, but in a fit of utter self-indulgence, I like what happened with it anyway. I think it's interesting that the anxiety manifested not as Justin's no-longer-being-one-of-five but as concern on JC's part that he wouldn't do justice to the music. I think loving something as hard as he does his own music makes it difficult to feel like you're doing right by it no matter what you do, y'know? That felt real to me.

And Lance assuaging his worries, well, that's just Lance working his everyday magic. I like the idea of them connecting despite their divergent points of view.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_dragon_/]

I read this earlier today, but I didn't get to review until now!

OmigoshthatwassogoodyouseriouslyneedtowritemorestuffandpostitsoIcanreaditbecauseomigodyou'reawesome!

[gjstruthseeker.livejournal.com]

*giggle* That was so cute. And sweet! Thank you! I can get behind making up words like that. Who needs to come up for air when the syllables sound so nice all strung together?

[http://users.livejournal.com/_dragon_/]

You are very welcome, because it was very true ^_^. I love your writing. I wish you would post more of it.

Who needs to come up for air when the syllables sound so nice all strung together?

Exactly ^_^.

[charlidos.livejournal.com]

A very nice and pensive piece. Feels real and I love it. Thanks! :)

[gjstruthseeker.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I don't know if I entirely buy the premise myself, but JC's music-related, rather than not having the other guys there-related, anxiety seemed real enough, and Lance putting it all in perspective seems like the sort of thing Lance would do for him. As laid-back as he is, JC seems like he'd get caught up and worked up by things simply because he's too close or cares too much about them, and I think that's where the other guys really help to balance him in their own ways.

[crazybutsound]

Ooo, that was nice, I liked it. :-) And the fact that you said K's Choice was the inspiration for it made me go all squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! And I just knew that Sarah could only inspire beautiful introspective pieces. Lovely.

[gjstruthseeker.livejournal.com]

Hee, I thought you'd like the K's Choice inspiration, too. Actually, it was sort of a self-imposed challenge - I was feeling guilty about owing my friend, Ri, at least two stories I can remember off the top of my head, and yet more guilt for not having the guts to participate in the whole fic offering meme going around, so I went to her journal and jotted down a few keywords from the entry itself and the song she was listening to. I ended up only using the song, but I do love how the story plays so closely to it. Yay, I'm glad you liked!

[meinnim.livejournal.com]

"Depends. Did you get an aquarium full of fish native to the Galapagos and think that guppy you had back in the fifth grade was experience enough to handle it?"

Bwa!

When JC finally does find words for what's in his head, the first thing everyone always asks is why he didn't just say that and sooner, but it really doesn't have form until it comes out. It's not real, even to JC himself, and he rarely knows what he's going to say until he opens his mouth, but Lance can always be counted on to take him seriously.

That sounds so much like JC, it's uncanny. I think he does get lost in his head and words can't even begin to describe what goes on in there. It's like words aren't a concrete concept there.

Also, I love practical!Lance who pulls JC out of his head with a simple answer. You've got a nice point-counterpoint going here.

[gjstruthseeker.livejournal.com]

It's like words aren't a concrete concept there.

Exactly. As extensive as the Englisd language is, there are just some things for which words haven't been invented, that can't be put into so many syllables or summed up in a few neat buzzwords. And see, I think JC would get there eventually, but he rarely gets the opportunity to do so.

Also, I love practical!Lance who pulls JC out of his head with a simple answer. You've got a nice point-counterpoint going here.

*g* Thank you so much. They just seem so different to me in, well, almost all ways, but the love and patience on Lance's part are there that would make him a good sounding board.

[coolwhipdiva.livejournal.com]

That was truly lovely. You put an interesting spin on the way JC and Lance interact, and I really liked it. It definitely worked. I hope more inspiration in this little universe hits you, because these are two characters I would love to get to know better.

[gjstruthseeker.livejournal.com]

See, I'm always in awe of people who make Bassez work outside of the 'they have hot sex' "plotlines" (says the girl whose default, ironically, is Bassez.) It's not a pairing that came to me naturally - matter of fact at first, it totally didn't work for me at all. But the love and patience on Lance's part would counter any frustration he'd have with JC's more flightly, artsy way of thinking. They share a very like-minded commitment to what they do, but those are two completely different things. That's really what it comes down to for me - they're just different people who find things in each other that make their dynamic work in its own way. But not like JC and Justin or Joey and Lance.

Just me, of course.