Who needs you when I've got thirty-two.
Feb. 23rd, 2004 02:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aruanIt's been almost a week since I broke up with the boy, in no uncertain terms, yet he has not stopped calling/texting/IMing me, using any excuse to invite me over/out to dinner/for coffee/to hang out, even though he claims he's admitted to himself that I'm not interested.
I'm coming to understand he wants to be friends.
Now, allow me a moment, as this is something that more often than not does take me by surprise.
In case it isn't abundantly clear, I'm a bit of a freak as far as the "normal" standard is concerned. I don't dress particularly feminine and the maximum of my primping consists of concealer and blowdrying (which happens in conjunction maybe a couple of times a week.) I use commonly hailed as "pretentious" words in regular conversation, I don't watch sports or much television that isn't entertainment news, I rant, I can have a tendency to be long-winded and/or loud, I'm not much for clubbing as a regular pastime, I don't smoke weed, I don't like to sit around and drink for no reason.
Come to think of it, the typical college student should want to have next to nothing to do with me. I mean, there's a reason for the existence of a norm, right? It's what the majority of people do because they themselves, or others, like it. Right? So, what's with virtually all the men I date practically proposing marriage within the first couple of weeks?
I only wish I was exaggerrating.
More personality-oriented traits-wise, I'm always late - I just am, and I'm sorry every time, but that's just me and anyone who's known me for longer than a couple meetings knows this. I have a tendency to talk not about myself, but about topics I find interesting, at length and extensively without any necessity to actively involve my audience beyond listening. I'm sarcastic and often bitch about things/people that bother me. I get into moods I can't be coaxed out of. I have odd priorities and not much in the way of organization in my life. I'm probably at least a little crazy. I do a lot of navel-gazing and live a very lot in my own head, and am perfectly comfortable with silence and solitude, rarely getting lonely.
Oh, yeah, and there's the part where I've been a raging fangirl since the age of thirteen with interests that currently tend toward reading slash fiction and sometimes writing it about the members of the most renown boyband ever. Oh, and I do actually like their music.
I never considered participating in the "tell me why you love me" meme, but I realize I've also not really ever polled any of the people in my life to that effect. Heck, come to think of it, I've never actually sat down and made a list of positive qualities about myself. Which seems to indicate that I'm ludicrously self-assured, ruling out the alternative of being severely depressed. It's probably not healthy either way. Hm.
This isn't a self-esteem thing. Believe me, I'm way too narcissistic for most people's opinions to matter much, if at all. If I don't like it, I don't do it, and if you don't like it, I don't care. Mind you, I'm also not one to make a terrible lot of trouble, but that's what it comes down to.
Also, it's just plumb weird, as we're quite different people. I have miniscule working knowledge of hockey, his singular interest, or international politics, his major. And he is clearly not riveted by pop music, celebrity culture, or journalism. He says he "love[s] the way [I] talk" though. Which is flattering, lets me know that I'm entertaining and sundry, but I know where my strengths lie. It's nice to mention it, but one, he doesn't play off them, and two, he doesn't challenge me in any way. So why bother? It's like buying something pretty just for the aesthetic, not because it complements your decor or makes you think. And I'm much too high-maintenance for a display case.
Beyond that, I keep saying I really don't have the time to forge any kind of new relationship. Which is mostly true - last week, my only night off was Friday, and that's all Miranda because there's only yay high a level of sanity I can maintain without her counsel/presence/petting my head. But that's mostly a lie, because if the right person came along, absolutely I'd want to pursue the process of forming a good, solid relationship of whatever sort. He, however, is not that person, and in that scenario, I honestly don't have the time to spend. I've been dropping subtle hints, but that doesn't seem to be working, and I'm a bit spineless when it comes to giving people the brushoff. *sigh* Though whether or not I grow one it'll only hurt him, and while I don't feel as if I owe him anything, it still guilts me that he'll walk away wounded.
Anyway. I'm overtly weird, and I mostly don't get when others (not within fandom, that's another situation entirely) nonetheless gravitate to me.
[ETA: Eee! Lance brought the boyfriend! And the sexy (he's scruffy again! *swoon*), but also the boyfriend! *claps with glee* Also, Jon kept me aprised of Johnny's win for Best Actor, at which I may have squealed. Because yo, the genius in basing a character on Keith Richards alone should win him many a prize.]
I'm coming to understand he wants to be friends.
Now, allow me a moment, as this is something that more often than not does take me by surprise.
In case it isn't abundantly clear, I'm a bit of a freak as far as the "normal" standard is concerned. I don't dress particularly feminine and the maximum of my primping consists of concealer and blowdrying (which happens in conjunction maybe a couple of times a week.) I use commonly hailed as "pretentious" words in regular conversation, I don't watch sports or much television that isn't entertainment news, I rant, I can have a tendency to be long-winded and/or loud, I'm not much for clubbing as a regular pastime, I don't smoke weed, I don't like to sit around and drink for no reason.
Come to think of it, the typical college student should want to have next to nothing to do with me. I mean, there's a reason for the existence of a norm, right? It's what the majority of people do because they themselves, or others, like it. Right? So, what's with virtually all the men I date practically proposing marriage within the first couple of weeks?
I only wish I was exaggerrating.
More personality-oriented traits-wise, I'm always late - I just am, and I'm sorry every time, but that's just me and anyone who's known me for longer than a couple meetings knows this. I have a tendency to talk not about myself, but about topics I find interesting, at length and extensively without any necessity to actively involve my audience beyond listening. I'm sarcastic and often bitch about things/people that bother me. I get into moods I can't be coaxed out of. I have odd priorities and not much in the way of organization in my life. I'm probably at least a little crazy. I do a lot of navel-gazing and live a very lot in my own head, and am perfectly comfortable with silence and solitude, rarely getting lonely.
Oh, yeah, and there's the part where I've been a raging fangirl since the age of thirteen with interests that currently tend toward reading slash fiction and sometimes writing it about the members of the most renown boyband ever. Oh, and I do actually like their music.
I never considered participating in the "tell me why you love me" meme, but I realize I've also not really ever polled any of the people in my life to that effect. Heck, come to think of it, I've never actually sat down and made a list of positive qualities about myself. Which seems to indicate that I'm ludicrously self-assured, ruling out the alternative of being severely depressed. It's probably not healthy either way. Hm.
This isn't a self-esteem thing. Believe me, I'm way too narcissistic for most people's opinions to matter much, if at all. If I don't like it, I don't do it, and if you don't like it, I don't care. Mind you, I'm also not one to make a terrible lot of trouble, but that's what it comes down to.
Also, it's just plumb weird, as we're quite different people. I have miniscule working knowledge of hockey, his singular interest, or international politics, his major. And he is clearly not riveted by pop music, celebrity culture, or journalism. He says he "love[s] the way [I] talk" though. Which is flattering, lets me know that I'm entertaining and sundry, but I know where my strengths lie. It's nice to mention it, but one, he doesn't play off them, and two, he doesn't challenge me in any way. So why bother? It's like buying something pretty just for the aesthetic, not because it complements your decor or makes you think. And I'm much too high-maintenance for a display case.
Beyond that, I keep saying I really don't have the time to forge any kind of new relationship. Which is mostly true - last week, my only night off was Friday, and that's all Miranda because there's only yay high a level of sanity I can maintain without her counsel/presence/petting my head. But that's mostly a lie, because if the right person came along, absolutely I'd want to pursue the process of forming a good, solid relationship of whatever sort. He, however, is not that person, and in that scenario, I honestly don't have the time to spend. I've been dropping subtle hints, but that doesn't seem to be working, and I'm a bit spineless when it comes to giving people the brushoff. *sigh* Though whether or not I grow one it'll only hurt him, and while I don't feel as if I owe him anything, it still guilts me that he'll walk away wounded.
Anyway. I'm overtly weird, and I mostly don't get when others (not within fandom, that's another situation entirely) nonetheless gravitate to me.
[ETA: Eee! Lance brought the boyfriend! And the sexy (he's scruffy again! *swoon*), but also the boyfriend! *claps with glee* Also, Jon kept me aprised of Johnny's win for Best Actor, at which I may have squealed. Because yo, the genius in basing a character on Keith Richards alone should win him many a prize.]
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no subject
Date: February 22nd, 2004 11:48 pm (UTC)Face it, Jules, you're a hottie. With a great rack.
Sorry for the shallowness of it all, but I'm almost positive the boys see it like I do. ;-)
Re:
Date: February 23rd, 2004 12:03 am (UTC)And besides, if that were all of it, I'd be a one-night stand type of girl, not the end-all of their single lives. How I'd love to be a one-night stand type of girl.
The boys in my world are much too high-maintenance. What does it say that the most together, mentally stable, level-headed one I know is also the gayest? Sometimes, being a girl can bite me.
no subject
Date: February 23rd, 2004 09:16 pm (UTC)And I hear you on the language. I made a lady do a double-take just a few hours ago, when I told her to come closer by saying, "Come hither." *g*
Re:
Date: February 23rd, 2004 10:22 pm (UTC)Heh. She might've done a double-take more because of your choice of words. It's a very... connotative phrase.