this music gets you high

[aruan]

Things that have made me cry in the past half hour: fuskeez's final Appreciation Post and Barack Obama's speech. It's possibly hormones, but they're recommended reading anyway.

Since I didn't pay close enough attention in freshman-year Biology, an evolutionary question:

My brother contemplated his barbeque ribs a bit too deeply tonight - mostly, he wanted to eat the bones, too, and felt indignant when I told him that we traditionally give them to the dogs because he doesn't have strong enough teeth or jaw muscles with which to accomplish this. He asked if he were to make a habit of chewing on the bones, then would his children be somehow better equipped to do so. I told him maybe in many, many generations of bone-gnawers, but then something occurred to me - does the mutation (as evolution is essentially a mutation that proves advantageous and gets reproduced most often) come before the adaptation, or does necessary adaptation bring on mutations? Would my brother's children (as horrifying a thought as that is) develop the necessary traits to chew bones once again? Or is that an adaptation lost to obscurity given the much-lessened necessities of our survival?

On a personal note, while it's true that I've been writing and reading a lot in the way of Challenge recaps, I think the reason why it doesn't feel like I'm making any headway is because I don't want this event that feels too much like the last of its kind to be truly over. Some part of me doesn't want to make this weekend part of the historical record, because then it'll become just like anything else I've read about them together before coming into the fandom. I've had such fun, and the thing I've wanted most since entering the party so unfashionably late has happened, and it's not as if there aren't more plans in the works as I speak, but I don't want to go back to seeing them one at a time and definitely not doing the thing I love watching them do the most, and that's sing and dance together. As much as Justin the showman and JC the rockstar and Lance the philantropist and Joey the Broadway actor and Chris the vagabond punk have individually wowed and delighted me, it doesn't compare at all to the way my stomach clenched and my eyes filled with tears when they turned to the lot of us at the "barricades" to pose for group photos after the professionals had their turn on Friday afternoon. I love *NSYNC, I do, and what small slice of that this weekend afforded, I'm not ready to banish to a footnote.

Although I think that bit of melodrama was spurned by several existential crises I've had over the course of today. A friend pointed out that I should cherish my summer vacation (not that I'm not) because "they'll be but a fond memory" soon enough, and that somehow terrified me. I love my job at the paper, but who's to say it'll be the same anywhere else, or that my chipping faith in the news media won't conflict with that, or that I've somehow missed the boat entirely somewhere along the way and by now, I ought to be studying for the Bar exam or documenting carvings on the wall of a grotto in Peru right now? The real world terrifies me for so many reasons, and going into my Senior year at UF, it's beginning to loom for real, and I just don't feel like I'm facing it with the amount of certainty I feel I should've gained over the course of not just college, but my life. I don't even know where I want to end up! There's nothing beyond graduation, whether that's next spring or winter, but volumes of empty, blank space, and that utter uncertainty is the scariest thing I've ever faced, large wild animals, rabid dogs, rip currents, hurricanes, and severe turbulence included.

[ /end irrational freakout ] Thank you and goodnight.

Comments

[powrhug.livejournal.com]

oh babe, I understand perfectly. I had so much fun, but I still got a "it's over" vibe from the whole thing. *sigh*

[gjstruthseeker.livejournal.com]

*hugs you tight* It was a wonderful weekend to be sure, and what a performance to be present for, and let's just all take a moment and realize that nothing about their future as a group has been announced yet, and someone in your post pointed out that the Backstreet split lasted less than two years, so there you go. But the fandom is fracturing and changing and the longer the hiatus goes on, the more that'll happen, and I don't want to let any of it go.

[powrhug.livejournal.com]

that's the hardest part, seeing friends go onto other things because hiatus has killed their interest

[gjstruthseeker.livejournal.com]

Exactly. Writers and (for better or worse) BNFs and everyone else moving on when all I want to do is clingclingcling to it all. I've made people I want to hold onto, and there are probably many more I haven't yet met, and fandom is slowly fracturing and that's just what happens naturally but the hiatus is exacerbating is and I'm just not ready, dammit. Which pretty much sums up why I haven't summoned the will to write up my weekend for real yet - I'm just not ready. *sigh*

[nopseud]

Clasically, the mutations arise randomly, and are then acted upon porsitively or negatively by natural selection.

These says people are talking more about epigenetic selection too, where things other than sequence differences in DNA can be inherited and therefore acted on by natural selection. However, I don't think that would be a likely source of stronger jaws, and definitely not with the classical Lamarkian idea that stretching up into the trees makes giraffes' necks bigger, or chewing bones makes dogs jaws stronger.

So: mutation and then selection is a good bet.

Fearing work and the real world is natural and sensible. :-)

[gjstruthseeker.livejournal.com]

Thank you, that's what I ended up telling him. Then he sidetracked all rational thought by attempting to bring up human cloning, but at least that's settled.

And see, I know this, and I know I'm not alone in this, but the thought of living with my parents if I don't find suitable employment after graduation or what a "real" paper will be like (as I'm sure our cozy little newsroom of about twenty largely liberal arts majors is not a representative sample), the seemingly impossible prospect of a routine - none of it is actually scary when looked at rationally, but it's nothing I can wrap my brain around *me* doing. I'm not an adult! It's all ludicrous in my head, like putting me behind the steering wheel for the first time. Which isn't impossible either as I'd watched my parents do it for years, but that somehow doesn't diminish its awesomeness.

P.S. Love that icon. And they sparkle mighty fine, too.

[nopseud]

none of it is actually scary when looked at rationally, but it's nothing I can wrap my brain around *me* doing. I'm not an adult!

I've been doing the adult thing for 12 years now, and it still doesn't seem very likely. Now I just assume there's some secret grown-up club that I'm just never going to get to join. I think it maybe involves having children.

Love that icon.

Thank you :-)

[gjstruthseeker.livejournal.com]

Children are scary, yo. I take back everything I said - it's small children who are downright terrifying.

Or maybe we just shouldn't mention the topic right after I got back from spending two days in Busch Gardens and Orlando. That'll cure anyone of the need to procreate for a couple of months. Thank goodness we didn't go near Disney.

[gjstruthseeker.livejournal.com]

But do mutations arise when there's nothing to adapt to in the environment? So in that way, the Lamarkian idea seems more correct, that it was the need for longer necks and stronger jaws that brought about the mutation, rather than the mutation arising spontaneously and therefore enabling them to eat higher leaves or chew harder things.

Wow, this is so quickly turning into an egg/chicken discussion. Except that one's easy, as the egg came first.

[nopseud]

But do mutations arise when there's nothing to adapt to in the environment?

Yes.

[walkingshadow.livejournal.com]

He asked if he were to make a habit of chewing on the bones, then would his children be somehow better equipped to do so.

*pops in to say:* Hello, I know this one! It doesn't work like that. That was Lamarck's idea of evolution; his example was giraffes, that the giraffe stretches its neck to reach leaves high up, and then its children have longer necks. That doesn't happen. And it's intuitive, but when you think about it, it actually makes no sense. If your brother, heaven forbid, lost his arms, you wouldn't expect his children to be armless. Likewise: making his teeth stronger during his lifetime won't affect anybody's teeth but his own. If he was *born* with particularly strong teeth, he might pass that trait on to his children; and if, for some strange, unknown reason, we all had to start eating bones or other very hard foodstuffs, those children would be naturally selected for increased odds of survival. The only thing that affects what traits your children will have is the DNA of the gametes (sperm and egg) that originally form the zygote, and the only things that affects the DNA of the gametes are the DNA of the parents (and their parents, etc.) and MUTATIONS. Nothing you do to yourself can cause your genes to mutate, except for exposure to radiation. What really happens with the giraffes is some giraffe gametes mutate, and some baby giraffes grow up with slightly longer necks; if the food they need is far away, they will be better able to reach it than a giraffe with a shorter neck, and therefore more likely to survive to pass on their mutated genes. And finally you are left with only long-necked giraffes. Voila! The reason humans have pretty much dispensed with natural selection is that everybody gets to live now. If a baby is born with a heart murmur, we can fix that. We're not exactly scavenging in the wilderness. Cushy lives are good lives.

Ask another!

who's to say it'll be the same anywhere else, or that my chipping faith in the news media won't conflict with that, or that I've somehow missed the boat entirely somewhere along the way and by now, I ought to be studying for the Bar exam or documenting carvings on the wall of a grotto in Peru right now?

Whoa. Just take a deep breath there and let me get you a nice cup of tea and a valium. It'll be okay. It is okay. If you find yourself in journalism and you hate it, you will remove yourself and try something different! If at any time you feel that law or archaeology is the field that calls to you, you'll take the proper steps to get there. It would be great if you knew what you wanted to do with the next fifty years of your life--a little suspect, and a bit boring, but I suppose you'd have a plan. Except nobody has a plan! Really! Everybody goes around faking it, pretending to be adults by doing the things they've seen adults do, until they either believe it themselves, or convince everybody around them. What do you think will happen if you don't know what you're doing after college? Nothing will happen! You think your mother would ever kick you out of the house? I don't know--you'll go to school more; you'll intern somewhere; you'll move somewhere you like; you'll find a job, and do something until you find something you want to do. No one's handing you a diploma and throwing you off a cliff into the great void, with your plan as your parachute or nothing at all. I promise.

No more existential crises until I'm back to talk you down in person, okay? I do much better in person. *hugs*

[gjstruthseeker.livejournal.com]

Not necessarily its children, but it's childrens' grandchildrens' great-grandchildren, perhaps? I mean, if every day it has to reach its neck uncomfortably high, and this goes on for generations, wouldn't it make sense that a mutation for longer necks would be more likely to arise than one for, say, webbed feet?

If you find yourself in journalism and you hate it, you will remove yourself and try something different!

That panic attack was possibly at least a little of my father talking, something about why did it take me so long to choose a major, why haven't I figured out the secret of the universe yet, tralala, good thing I don't have to listen to him but for the occasional dinner nowadays. I just hate this feeling of total unpreparedness should I do decide to do something different, you know? But then, I gave thought (as you wisely pointed out) to how many people out there know what they're doing. I don't know if the number is as high as I once believed it. And hey, I can fake knowing what I'm doing fairly well enough most days, so who knows, maybe it is as easy as simply finding something else to do.

No one's handing you a diploma and throwing you off a cliff into the great void, with your plan as your parachute or nothing at all.

But that's precisely what I've been taught since the concept of higher education became fathomable.

No more existential crises until I'm back to talk you down in person, okay?

See if I ever let you go again. *hugs* Thanks for this. Though there'll still be sitting down and talking, just not quite so neurotic this time.

[walkingshadow.livejournal.com]

wouldn't it make sense that a mutation for longer necks would be more likely to arise than one for, say, webbed feet?

It might make sense, if one could direct mutations; but mutations are always random. They happen all the time, usually to no real notice or effect, and the ones that are useful to the point of giving you an advantage in surviving to reproduction (like for a slightly longer neck when your food source is high up) are the ones that stick (because the ones with slightly longer necks pass on their slightly-longer-neck genes, and of their children, the ones with even slightly longer necks will survive to pass on their genes, and so on, until you get the giraffe). And again, stretching your own neck won't do anything to the necks of your children, born or unborn. Think of foot binding. It might seem counterintuitive, but the mutation always comes first.

that's precisely what I've been taught since the concept of higher education became fathomable.

*sigh* Yes, I know. I feel like I should go around to orientations, trailing after the guidance counselors and volunteers, and speak to all the shell-shocked freshman, debunking everything they've just been told. Since I tend to worry about everything when I give myself the chance, I have a pretty good weeding process. When you're afraid of something, just ask what can possibly happen--UF jumps up and down and screeches that you have to know your major, you can't change your major or the consequences will be dire, you have to be out in four years or the advisers will frown at you, *cue music of DOOM* But they can't make you do any of that; for one thing, people change their minds, especially young adults on their own and exposed to a wide range of options, and they know that, and can't demand otherwise; and no matter what they say, you'll find them perfectly willing to take your money, should you decide you need an extra semester or two to get all those credits in. And, okay, in Elizabethan times, every able-bodied person aged 12-60 was supposed to be working, and if they weren't, they could be forced into seasonal farm labor, and not necessarily compensated for it beyond bed and board. I don't think that's on the books anymore, and also you're in the U.S., so I'm pretty sure there won't be anything terrifically repercussive about graduating without having a job locked up for the next ten years.

See if I ever let you go again. *hugs* Thanks for this.

You're welcome for it; it's what I do. There's going to be so much sitting down and talking in our future. I'm leaving Cambridge tomorrow morning (I'm really sad about that) to dart around England, and I'll be home in ten days; plus there's that whole thing where we're going to be living in the same apartment in a little over two weeks. Which is also when school is starting, but witness my not thinking about that at all.

[tallories.livejournal.com]

And why does it make my heart sing to hear you tell of the boys finishing their poses for the professionals, then turning towards the fans.

There's nothing beyond graduation, whether that's next spring or winter, but volumes of empty, blank space, and that utter uncertainty is the scariest thing I've ever faced.

*hugs* Believe me, hon, I know how that is. I lived it, and it was hard - the transition from college to Real World is the toughest switch I've ever had to make, and it wasn't without its hurdles. If memory serves, I believe there were a few potholes about as big as gravel pits, too, and severe tire damage all over the place. But I'm living proof that you do survive, and that you can bounce back after making bad decisions if you just listen to your heart, and that the cold, empty space out there will unfurl into a beautiful canvas for you to paint your life upon. The unknown is not to be feared; it's an adventure to be experienced. And believe me, world traveler - your future is bright!

[gjstruthseeker.livejournal.com]

And why does it make my heart sing to hear you tell of the boys finishing their poses for the professionals, then turning towards the fans.

Dude, my eyes totally started to water and I barely got my picture for my hand shaking so hard. Lovethemsomuch! I had several moments over the course of the weekend, but that's the one I'm taking with me for a good, long time.

*hugs you tight* Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I keep forgetting that the unknown isn't necessarily scary, that the void isn't a vaccuum but an unmapped stretch of possibility.

[tallories.livejournal.com]

Don't get me wrong; the unknown is terrifying! But it's life, and we live it, y'know? Tomorrow's unknowns and yesterday's memories are all the same thing. You'll do great. *hugs*