oh, Pirates, how so bad?
May. 26th, 2007 02:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aruanThey had Capt. Jack Sparrow, pirate lore, a trip to the underworld with an undead pirate guide, a wacky psychic, a smart ambiguously amorous heroine, and STILL managed to screw it all up (and assassinate most everyone's character along the way.)
Elizabeth is made captain of a ship, then elected pirate king and leads what may well have been the last stand for pirate kind, all to what? Get marooned on an island and raise a kid while waiting for Will to come back to her once every 10 years?
The whole movie it's Calypso this and Calypso that and Calypso damned Davy Jones but they're even really, because he's the one who trapped her in human form, and all she could muster in the grand finale is to set some atmosphere? She has no investment in the outcome of the pirates/East India conflict, why wouldn't she strike down the Flying Dutchman?
They forced Will, who's been against pirates and piracy for the course of three movies (keeping in mind that he resorted to the methods only to get Elizabeth back and then stay with her), to play the ultimate sailor for the rest of his life, ostensibly watching Elizabeth grow old then die, by manipulating it into an act of mercy on the part of Jack, then casting aside HIS FATHER CUTTING HIS HEART OUT by establishing that he's suddenly demented? REALLY?
Why does Davy Jones, immortal renegade boatman of the river Styx who's terrorized the seas for years, not rally his men to mutiny against the redcoats once they bring his heart aboard? You're telling me that badass toes the line for anyone?
I was angry about Norrington's death, but one could argue that he had no place on a pirate crew and was irreparably tarnished in the eyes of the British military. But he got so much spine and character in Dead Man's Chest - maybe he could've gotten his own boat and crew by now and played some pivotal role with a grand entrance. Or maybe he could've survived, his betrayal kept secret, and with Lord Beckett's death become the new, more benevolent leader of East India Trading, brilliantly manipulating pirates into leaving his ships alone because he knows how they work. Another great opportunity (and character) wasted.
But really, the fundamental flaw in this film is in its ending. For once, I wish I could've read the last page first, because then I would know that Jack Sparrow doesn't become the captain of the Flying Dutchman, and frankly, if the filmmakers couldn't get that much right, I would've had no interest in the rest of their drivel.
Otherwise, the plot was a poor mash-up at best (the Orlando Sentinel called it "a misshapen mess," and I agree), the costuming and sets were predictably beautiful (as was the cast), and I could not have been more disappointed by it all.
Elizabeth is made captain of a ship, then elected pirate king and leads what may well have been the last stand for pirate kind, all to what? Get marooned on an island and raise a kid while waiting for Will to come back to her once every 10 years?
The whole movie it's Calypso this and Calypso that and Calypso damned Davy Jones but they're even really, because he's the one who trapped her in human form, and all she could muster in the grand finale is to set some atmosphere? She has no investment in the outcome of the pirates/East India conflict, why wouldn't she strike down the Flying Dutchman?
They forced Will, who's been against pirates and piracy for the course of three movies (keeping in mind that he resorted to the methods only to get Elizabeth back and then stay with her), to play the ultimate sailor for the rest of his life, ostensibly watching Elizabeth grow old then die, by manipulating it into an act of mercy on the part of Jack, then casting aside HIS FATHER CUTTING HIS HEART OUT by establishing that he's suddenly demented? REALLY?
Why does Davy Jones, immortal renegade boatman of the river Styx who's terrorized the seas for years, not rally his men to mutiny against the redcoats once they bring his heart aboard? You're telling me that badass toes the line for anyone?
I was angry about Norrington's death, but one could argue that he had no place on a pirate crew and was irreparably tarnished in the eyes of the British military. But he got so much spine and character in Dead Man's Chest - maybe he could've gotten his own boat and crew by now and played some pivotal role with a grand entrance. Or maybe he could've survived, his betrayal kept secret, and with Lord Beckett's death become the new, more benevolent leader of East India Trading, brilliantly manipulating pirates into leaving his ships alone because he knows how they work. Another great opportunity (and character) wasted.
But really, the fundamental flaw in this film is in its ending. For once, I wish I could've read the last page first, because then I would know that Jack Sparrow doesn't become the captain of the Flying Dutchman, and frankly, if the filmmakers couldn't get that much right, I would've had no interest in the rest of their drivel.
Otherwise, the plot was a poor mash-up at best (the Orlando Sentinel called it "a misshapen mess," and I agree), the costuming and sets were predictably beautiful (as was the cast), and I could not have been more disappointed by it all.
