oh, Pirates, how so bad?
May. 26th, 2007 02:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aruanThey had Capt. Jack Sparrow, pirate lore, a trip to the underworld with an undead pirate guide, a wacky psychic, a smart ambiguously amorous heroine, and STILL managed to screw it all up (and assassinate most everyone's character along the way.)
Elizabeth is made captain of a ship, then elected pirate king and leads what may well have been the last stand for pirate kind, all to what? Get marooned on an island and raise a kid while waiting for Will to come back to her once every 10 years?
The whole movie it's Calypso this and Calypso that and Calypso damned Davy Jones but they're even really, because he's the one who trapped her in human form, and all she could muster in the grand finale is to set some atmosphere? She has no investment in the outcome of the pirates/East India conflict, why wouldn't she strike down the Flying Dutchman?
They forced Will, who's been against pirates and piracy for the course of three movies (keeping in mind that he resorted to the methods only to get Elizabeth back and then stay with her), to play the ultimate sailor for the rest of his life, ostensibly watching Elizabeth grow old then die, by manipulating it into an act of mercy on the part of Jack, then casting aside HIS FATHER CUTTING HIS HEART OUT by establishing that he's suddenly demented? REALLY?
Why does Davy Jones, immortal renegade boatman of the river Styx who's terrorized the seas for years, not rally his men to mutiny against the redcoats once they bring his heart aboard? You're telling me that badass toes the line for anyone?
I was angry about Norrington's death, but one could argue that he had no place on a pirate crew and was irreparably tarnished in the eyes of the British military. But he got so much spine and character in Dead Man's Chest - maybe he could've gotten his own boat and crew by now and played some pivotal role with a grand entrance. Or maybe he could've survived, his betrayal kept secret, and with Lord Beckett's death become the new, more benevolent leader of East India Trading, brilliantly manipulating pirates into leaving his ships alone because he knows how they work. Another great opportunity (and character) wasted.
But really, the fundamental flaw in this film is in its ending. For once, I wish I could've read the last page first, because then I would know that Jack Sparrow doesn't become the captain of the Flying Dutchman, and frankly, if the filmmakers couldn't get that much right, I would've had no interest in the rest of their drivel.
Otherwise, the plot was a poor mash-up at best (the Orlando Sentinel called it "a misshapen mess," and I agree), the costuming and sets were predictably beautiful (as was the cast), and I could not have been more disappointed by it all.
Elizabeth is made captain of a ship, then elected pirate king and leads what may well have been the last stand for pirate kind, all to what? Get marooned on an island and raise a kid while waiting for Will to come back to her once every 10 years?
The whole movie it's Calypso this and Calypso that and Calypso damned Davy Jones but they're even really, because he's the one who trapped her in human form, and all she could muster in the grand finale is to set some atmosphere? She has no investment in the outcome of the pirates/East India conflict, why wouldn't she strike down the Flying Dutchman?
They forced Will, who's been against pirates and piracy for the course of three movies (keeping in mind that he resorted to the methods only to get Elizabeth back and then stay with her), to play the ultimate sailor for the rest of his life, ostensibly watching Elizabeth grow old then die, by manipulating it into an act of mercy on the part of Jack, then casting aside HIS FATHER CUTTING HIS HEART OUT by establishing that he's suddenly demented? REALLY?
Why does Davy Jones, immortal renegade boatman of the river Styx who's terrorized the seas for years, not rally his men to mutiny against the redcoats once they bring his heart aboard? You're telling me that badass toes the line for anyone?
I was angry about Norrington's death, but one could argue that he had no place on a pirate crew and was irreparably tarnished in the eyes of the British military. But he got so much spine and character in Dead Man's Chest - maybe he could've gotten his own boat and crew by now and played some pivotal role with a grand entrance. Or maybe he could've survived, his betrayal kept secret, and with Lord Beckett's death become the new, more benevolent leader of East India Trading, brilliantly manipulating pirates into leaving his ships alone because he knows how they work. Another great opportunity (and character) wasted.
But really, the fundamental flaw in this film is in its ending. For once, I wish I could've read the last page first, because then I would know that Jack Sparrow doesn't become the captain of the Flying Dutchman, and frankly, if the filmmakers couldn't get that much right, I would've had no interest in the rest of their drivel.
Otherwise, the plot was a poor mash-up at best (the Orlando Sentinel called it "a misshapen mess," and I agree), the costuming and sets were predictably beautiful (as was the cast), and I could not have been more disappointed by it all.
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no subject
Date: May 27th, 2007 03:51 am (UTC)(As you point out, Elizabeth's character is in nevernever land, Will is stuck being someone he doesn't want to be, and Jack is off without the Pearl hunting for immortality.) (And Calypso just kind of completely dissapeared. She has all that power and apparently CREATED the Flying Dutchman, and she can't do more than yell and make a storm? Wtf?)
And why DID Jack give the Dutchman to Will? (I like to think because they're in LOVE, but that's my Jack/Will slashery heart talking. *G*) Jack seemed to want it badly enough- are we supposed to believe that's the end of it for him?
I think I want the tie-in novels now. Maybe they'll explain things more sensibly.
(I do know Johnny wants to do movie 4, so maybe we'll get a better wrap up. Bruckheimer apparently thinks things are all hunkydory and they all need a rest, though. Weirdo.) (On the other hand, he can feel free to let them all rest up long enough for me to get into a position to get a job on the crew, 'cause I bet that'd be a fun movie to crew on.)
no subject
Date: May 27th, 2007 06:21 am (UTC)I think Jack let Will be the one to stab Davy Jones' heart because Will would've died otherwise. He knows it'll still be waiting for him someday.
You're in film? I'm actually pretty seriously talking to an admissions officer for the Vancouver Film School. But how necessary is a degree to working in a non-digital aspect of production (on-set stuff)?
no subject
Date: May 28th, 2007 06:52 am (UTC)Jack'll just find some other way to get immortality. I mean, he's seen multiple instances of it now. And come back from the dead. Clearly, ANYTHING is possible. :)
I'm more trying to get into film. (For various reasons, I don't have my undergrad degree yet, so I'm trying to get into an undergrad film program.) (I kind of spent the last ten years of my life doing Other Stuff. :) ) Although from what I understand, at least at the more unskilled labor end of things, a lot of getting jobs in the industry is who you know and how you come across, and less so what your previous experience is. (Like, if you seem competent and reliable and trustworthy, but have no experience, but you're obviously willing to listen and learn, as long as you're willing to be paid poorly, no one will hold the lack of experience against you. :) )
Mind, if it got me a job on a Johnny Depp movie, I'd probably work for free holding up a sign in the rain, y'know? :) (Well. If I got to interact with him.)
no subject
Date: May 28th, 2007 11:51 pm (UTC)I know plenty of people who haven't completed their undergrads for a lot of great reasons. And that's good to hear, re: enthusiasm. Now if only I didn't want to do sci-fi, for which there's really only one place.
no subject
Date: May 29th, 2007 06:47 am (UTC)Ahem.
I thought about applying to UBC in Vancouver, but when I was working on my applications they weren't taking anyone for the film program. Feh. However, should you end up there and need help for any jobs on the set of SGA or SPN, lemme know. ;)
no subject
Date: May 30th, 2007 09:58 am (UTC)As to the second, OMG that's seriously all I want to do in Vancouver. If you tell me that I can make enough money to pay my half of the rent and eat doing set work on SGA, I would be up there alarmingly fast.
no subject
Date: May 28th, 2007 12:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: May 28th, 2007 10:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: May 29th, 2007 06:48 am (UTC)I think the franchise could more than support both.