my head is on loose but my shoes are tight

[aruan]

I don't mention him often, but my brother is a pretty terrific kid. He's a tall, broad-shouldered, genial boy who happens to be 1. not book smart like me, and 2. not a boozing subservient bobblehead, and therefore neither of our fathers ever really gave him the time of day until a few years ago, when they realized hey, despite my stupid and arbitrary standards, he's a pretty terrific kid. He works hard, he loves his mom, he is fantastic with cars and exceptionally generous with everything he has (as we speak, he's on the phone with a friend of his who probably ruined his brakes in trying to fix them and will probably have to drive an hour and change to pick him up and take him home, which he won't so much as sigh about.)

Anyway, I mention him because on our shopping trip today, he mentioned to me that he's thinking he should've done what I did and gone to college. Thing is, he's the boy who was always charming the girls and still cool with the guys, cheating off tests and having his homework done for him (or charming the teacher into not caring). It's not that he's stupid - he's always pulled well in math on standardized tests, but he has no touch for the verbal. I remember writing essays for him years ago because my mom begged me to after she'd been sitting with him for hours. So I told him no, college would not have been for him. It's too structured and standardized and nuanced for it to be any fun for him.

But the problem now is that he has no venue for what college really is.

The way I've come to see it, college is about finding something. For some, that means a husband or wife. Some find careers, in the way that they realize they've been right all their lives or oh, I was completely mistaken about that forensic pathology stuff because of a formaldehyde allergy. Yet others meet business partners or co-writers or read a book that sets them off to join Doctors Without Borders. And a few find themselves, whether that's just because they're forced to start over in a new social group for possibly the first time since grade school or getting away from their controlling/fighting/oppressive/otherwise inadequate parents. Etc, etc, etc.

When he won a statewide automotive competition and went on to compete nationally in New York his last year of high school, he was offered scholarships to several universities stateside and otherwise to study further. He turned them all down because he said he didn't want to make his hobby his job. I think that's just because he's never liked what he does (work for my stepfather's independent contracting company). But what's the answer? College is important for reasons beyond the classroom, but that part can't be skipped. Yet he's squandering what would be the thing that brings him the most both personally and financially by not taking that extra step at. Vocational school? How much non-related classroom work does that involve? But if he really wants to stay away from cars professionally, then what other options can I offer him for starting something new?

Because the other thing they never tell you is that most of the world doesn't operate on the straight line of diploma-degree-work. I took the easy route, and of course having all sorts of is-the-grass-greener-on-the-internship-at-a-small-town side of the field doubts. How about the sitting at home and getting a mundane job like Barnes & Noble or waitressing, two things I've always (somewhat perversely, I know) wanted to do?

Why am I trying to offer him advice about taking a chance when I've always done the safest thing possible?

Comments

[quiet000001.livejournal.com]

He could always enroll in a continuing education class- a lot of places offer them now (not just community colleges) and it would give him a glimpse of what college level courses require, and something of the social experience. My mother's just gotten her MBA through a continuing education program. :)

[gjstruthseeker.livejournal.com]

Continuing education is a concept I've heard in passing, but I don't know how it's different from just straight-on community college (or that they were offered at other places!) Would you happen to know any resources?

Dude! Good for your mom. Mine got her realtor's license recently, and she didn't even finish high school, and I know how fiercely proud I was.

[quiet000001.livejournal.com]

I don't know that many details, but from what I've observed the main difference is that the classes basically aimed at adults ('continuing education' :) ) tend to be structured to take into account that people are likely to be working- evening classes, things spread over a longer period of time, in the case of a degree doing fewer things concurrently to avoid too much extra workload, etc.

I'm not sure about general resources, but when I've been looking at places to apply for myself, I've definitely seen it as an offering at a number of places. I'd start by checking with your local college(s) and see what they have- Nearly everywhere I've looked that wasn't a tiny specialised school seemed to have something.

Since it'll be an older group of people in general, it won't be exactly the same as a traditional college experience, but I imagine it might be close enough. :) My mom made a number of friends through doing her degree. :)

There's also distance education, which is becoming more common, but of course he wouldn't get the social aspects from that so much.