I swore not to see this movie
Nov. 17th, 2011 04:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aruanThe tragedy of my past 12 hours in SMS format. For the record, the two of us who had read all the Twilight books tried to talk the rest of the Bad Movie Club out of this particular feature.
Straight male friend CC: [Male friend GC] just came up with a dastardly plan that rivals anything ra one had to face : breaking dawn at midnight tomorrow . Whos in ?
Me: Why does [GC] hate us? Ps of course I'm there
CC: Meet at K mall . Trembling with anticipation
Me: Is it just you me and [GC]? If yes we should make him pay for our tix as emotional compensation
CC: I owe him a tic since I lost a football bet .
Me: I swore I wouldn't even see this movie so he wil def owe me one by the end of the night
CC: If "if "its bad
Me: Of all the nights in this world I need you to be a straight man tonight and hate this movie as much as it deserves
CC: But there are 'wolves ' and lautners
Me: Ok yes we can all swoon over Taylor lautner but everything else will be horrifying emotional trash
CC: Inshallah
Me: Aren't you supposed to have good taste in movies or did we send a closeted teenage girl to Cannes?
CC: Abu dhabi is like Chinatown : it changes you
Me: I just need to make sure you're not expecting this movie to be anything but a massive train wreck. I'm trying to booze it up over wine and cheese enough to get through it but there will be bitching and I need a bitching receptacle
...
12:08am Facebook check-in: Goddamn it [CC], I wasn't even supposed to see Breaking Dawn, let alone at a midnight premier. -with CC, CG, CB and HA
12:45am Oh god so much worse than you could imagine lock up your daughters.
1:10am This movie is using chess as a direct metaphor for sex and making me neither want to play chess nor have sex again.
1:27am As emotionally gratuitous as the first three movies were, none of it compares to this drivel. Convinced they're emotionally blackmailing the audience to stick it out through the incoherence to come.
2:17am [GC] blames his high five with Steven Seagal at the F1 race for wanting to see this movie. Meanwhile [CC] wished for shirtless werewolves at least five times, and my brain just wants a loofah to scrub it all away.
2:40am CB: It's too late ... we have to see Part 2 ... Part 1 has imprinted on us.
Lesson: Remember kids, high-fiving Steven Seagal can transmit the irrepressible desire to see bad movies. Don't do it, no matter how cool a story it'll make the next day.
Straight male friend CC: [Male friend GC] just came up with a dastardly plan that rivals anything ra one had to face : breaking dawn at midnight tomorrow . Whos in ?
Me: Why does [GC] hate us? Ps of course I'm there
CC: Meet at K mall . Trembling with anticipation
Me: Is it just you me and [GC]? If yes we should make him pay for our tix as emotional compensation
CC: I owe him a tic since I lost a football bet .
Me: I swore I wouldn't even see this movie so he wil def owe me one by the end of the night
CC: If "if "its bad
Me: Of all the nights in this world I need you to be a straight man tonight and hate this movie as much as it deserves
CC: But there are 'wolves ' and lautners
Me: Ok yes we can all swoon over Taylor lautner but everything else will be horrifying emotional trash
CC: Inshallah
Me: Aren't you supposed to have good taste in movies or did we send a closeted teenage girl to Cannes?
CC: Abu dhabi is like Chinatown : it changes you
Me: I just need to make sure you're not expecting this movie to be anything but a massive train wreck. I'm trying to booze it up over wine and cheese enough to get through it but there will be bitching and I need a bitching receptacle
...
12:08am Facebook check-in: Goddamn it [CC], I wasn't even supposed to see Breaking Dawn, let alone at a midnight premier. -with CC, CG, CB and HA
12:45am Oh god so much worse than you could imagine lock up your daughters.
1:10am This movie is using chess as a direct metaphor for sex and making me neither want to play chess nor have sex again.
1:27am As emotionally gratuitous as the first three movies were, none of it compares to this drivel. Convinced they're emotionally blackmailing the audience to stick it out through the incoherence to come.
2:17am [GC] blames his high five with Steven Seagal at the F1 race for wanting to see this movie. Meanwhile [CC] wished for shirtless werewolves at least five times, and my brain just wants a loofah to scrub it all away.
2:40am CB: It's too late ... we have to see Part 2 ... Part 1 has imprinted on us.
Lesson: Remember kids, high-fiving Steven Seagal can transmit the irrepressible desire to see bad movies. Don't do it, no matter how cool a story it'll make the next day.
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no subject
Date: November 17th, 2011 12:59 am (UTC)There is NO way I could even expect to make it through (flasks were planned), but this head's up might require me to go to extra lengths for survival.
no subject
Date: November 17th, 2011 01:07 am (UTC)The film is so much worse than you can imagine. I saw the first three as well - the second one was shockingly good considering the source material - but they should've stopped making them after the third one. The fourth book was an abomination on every level, and actually seeing it on screen just reopened all my old wounds.
I spent the movie hiding behind my hands/hugging my knees, laughing out loud at inappropriate moments, whimpering through the emotional drivel and suppressing my fight-or-flight instinct the whole time. There is no adequate amount of alcohol.
no subject
Date: November 17th, 2011 01:30 am (UTC)I saw Jay & Silent Bob highly tipsy, and thought that might be an option with this...but yeah. I printing this out and using it as defense, because WOW.
"I'm depressed! And poor! You can't make me watch vampire weddings and pregnancies!"