somebody pinch me

[aruan]

Fall is here, and last night all I could think was that I didn't want to be crawling under my comforter because I was legitimately, not just obscenely low thermostat settings, cold.

I suddenly wanted watermelon and crashing ocean surf and an apartmentful of nothing but my friends, sitting out on the balcony sipping whatever insane online bartender concoction tasted the least objectionable, just enjoying the balmy summer air. I wanted endless freedom and horizons that stretched forever because there's even less impeding the view over the ocean than the already flat mainland. I wanted magic back. School seems to sap those things right out. There are responsibilities, stark against party plans and pot luck dinners. It stains everything like blood or coffee - you might get out the initial darkness of the stain, but there's this oddly off-color, yellowish spot that remains no matter how soon you get the clothes into the wash.

I think this is why sleep's been such a sketch thing for me lately. There's no real rest when obligations are afoot.

I don't want to be obligated.

I do want to live in the real world.

By all accounts, being fucked should be more fun than this.

Comments

[giddyupnow.livejournal.com]

Ack. Yes, the thermals came out last week and are probably going to be worn under every single item of clothing until the sun comes back. It is also now legitimate hat weather. Hmm, should really dig up all the crocheting projects I meant to finish and get those done in time to actually use them, huh?

And as for the reality/responsibility thing? Eh. It doesn't get easier, but you get better at either sidestepping it or bulldozing it as time goes by :-) Especially when there are happy rompy trips to concentrate on in the near future. Trips that will involve spas, dammit.

[gjstruthseeker.livejournal.com]

Oh, don't get me wrong, once out of the shower and properly dressed, I love this change in seasons. I love sweater weather, live for long coats and *sighs dreamily* scarves, the fresh air, the breeze tickling along my neck now that it's bare to the elements. It's just at night, when it's not cold enough yet to turn on the heat in the dorms but dammit, I've already got socks and long pants and two shirt layers and I'm still cold and have had the soup and drank the coffee and I'm *stil*.cold. It makes me feel pathetic, like this is something that I should have under control (and oh how little of *that* is there) and yet I can't even manage it. It just emphasizes everything else that's out of my hands, or looming to be done. Conquering empires is all well and good, but it's not my time, and will it ever be if I can't even manage to abate frostbite during autumn in Florida?

And I know we've got this amazing trip coming up with us and New York and Joey and god, it's not even a simile, it *is* a fucking dream come true, but right now, I just want to live like a Greek philosopher, sitting under my shade tree in my toga with my wealthy patron keeping me in free time and good fun.

I'd take a *real* moment of that, not just the little stolen minutes we get or the hours we tell ourselves we don't need to sleep during.

I want the things I do peripheral to my real life to *be real* themselves.

*dramatic sigh* Thanks for all your lovely words, and you know, generally everything. You're pretty much singlehandedly responsible for a good chunk of what's good in my life right now, even if I was skeptical at first. ;)