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aruanA dear friend of mine was dealt a grave injustice tonight, in the form of a Christmas present of all things. She had a very simple wish, something heartbreakingly endearing like the little boys who ask for socks from Santa. She wanted a story. About two boys and a third element. She wrote her own for someone else, a pairing that she herself wouldn't go out of her way to write, but did her absolute best to remain faithful to its integrity.
I understand about being new to the fandom. *waves hello* Been here barely five months, nice to meet you. I understand about wanting to become a part of it by participating in events and challenges. But Don We Now Our Gay Apparel was different from its inception, because the idea was that these were *gifts* for *other fans* for the holidays. You weren't writing for yourself - the creative masturbation was for an audience now, and the analogy works because the idea behind undertaking this task was the confidence not only that you could meet the requirements, which you wouldn't know until they were *assigned* to you, but that you could rise to the occasion to write something that can objectively be qualified as good. This was supposed to be meaningful and pleasing, and my friend ended up with a fic that was obviously unbetaed, and we're not just talking a few commas, whose tone was downright snide toward the pairing and resentful of the single other request she made regarding the story's content. My friend has been anticipating this with all due right, and she's now upset that she had any influence in the genesis of this story. This was a huge undertaking, and participation should've meant that the would-be author understood all the risks she ran by tossing her hat into the ring and felt competent enough not to write but to write *for someone else.*
If you've been keeping up, I had a bit of a crisis over the course of this past week. There was the inherently traumatic flat tire which resulted in my not getting back from Orlando International until 4 o'clock in the morning of the day my Literature paper was due, of which I had at that point 3/10ths written. There was the Literature paper, and the frantic, stress-filled, agonized three days I spent in no other pursuits but formulating it. Then there was the packing as I was being kicked out of house and home for the winter break, and the inexorable drive home, which concluded in my plopping down in front of the computer at 10 o'clock on Saturday night to do anything but want to tear at my hair for the first time pretty much since a week before that.
Then there was the quick and vexing death of DSL not half an hour into my attempting to catch up with real (lowercase 'r') life on Sunday night. It was not resusitated until later on Monday, but that didn't matter as I spent both days in also aforementioned pursuits - chained to my sofa with Douglas, frantically working on the Secret Santa challenge fic I had about 3/5ths done. I did, however, manage to read the first page of my mail before it kerplunked and discovered that I had received one from the admins stating that since I hadn't responded to their previous email (sent earlier that morning) in the given twelve-hour timeframe, my recipient had been reassigned to receive a story from someone else.
This e-mail was about twenty minutes old when I got to my account. I quickly fired off a brief response, reassuring them that I was in fact close to completion and would finish well before Christmas, if a little belatedly as far as the original deadline is concerned, but well before they're due to be posted. Then Webmail died. So, I locked myself up and wrote some more, finally sending them a message from no fewer than two e-mail accounts, with my story coded to Don We Now Our Gay Apparel specifications as in-message text, an attached .txt file, and as an .html document. They didn't accept it. The person they asked to write the replacement story couldn't have known about their task for more than half an hour, and it's not like any one of them hadn't already done her fair share for the challenge.
There's also another essay formulating in here about people who can just sit down at any time of day or night, and make it happen on the page. It's like, if they didn't have to go to work or take care of life things, they could just sit down and this stuff would flow out of them in an uninterrupted stream. The replacement story my recipient got was great, I do not contest, it's just that whoever wrote it did it in the span of about a day, whereas I bled, cried, agonized, and possibly got myself that much closer to that ulcer at 30 than I'd been before. But I loved every minute of it. I knew my recipient, kept her in mind every time I opened it or scribbled down a random thought in the middle of a class as this story took shape. It's still hers, so far as I'm concerned, but there's a whine about that 'principle' thing in there.
My friend deserved better.
I deserved consideration.
*deep sigh* So it goes. My friend, in her infinitely kind and giving spirit, wants to write me happy!JoLa and I couldn't possibly love her more but there it is. I'm already onto planning what I'd like to choose for my next challenge, because apparently that's the way to get me to write, but whatever else it's going to be it's going to have all kinds of comfort food [pairing of choice] because babe, you were wronged and that's just deserving of a redress of grievances, and since we're all still only human, I'll do what I can.
P.S. My own Secret Santa's story was epic and amazing. Joey and Lance, Christmas in New York, and the author spun introspective!Joey magic from that. It's also interesting that a lot of the same themes that I explored in mine came up here, and sometimes even in the same wording. Heh. Great minds, tralala.
"If all that was true and, really, the only part Joey got was the bit about the Ugly Duckling, then Rudolph should be Lance's favorite movie, not Joey's. Because Lance was the one who hadn't fit in, who'd been lost and unwanted. He was the one who'd stepped in for Jason at the last minute, who the Germans had tried to nix their record deal over, the supposed liability who didn't belong, except he did. He always had, and *NSYNC wouldn't be *NSYNC without Lance, who was proving everyone wrong now, who was the swan he'd always been destined to be, the leader of Santa's little team of reindeer, not a reject. Except maybe Lance didn't know that, given how hard he was struggling to overcome his perceived failure.
Maybe that was why Rudolph wasn't Lance's favorite. Maybe Lance was the only one who didn't know he was a swan."
-On the Twelfth Day of Christmas
I understand about being new to the fandom. *waves hello* Been here barely five months, nice to meet you. I understand about wanting to become a part of it by participating in events and challenges. But Don We Now Our Gay Apparel was different from its inception, because the idea was that these were *gifts* for *other fans* for the holidays. You weren't writing for yourself - the creative masturbation was for an audience now, and the analogy works because the idea behind undertaking this task was the confidence not only that you could meet the requirements, which you wouldn't know until they were *assigned* to you, but that you could rise to the occasion to write something that can objectively be qualified as good. This was supposed to be meaningful and pleasing, and my friend ended up with a fic that was obviously unbetaed, and we're not just talking a few commas, whose tone was downright snide toward the pairing and resentful of the single other request she made regarding the story's content. My friend has been anticipating this with all due right, and she's now upset that she had any influence in the genesis of this story. This was a huge undertaking, and participation should've meant that the would-be author understood all the risks she ran by tossing her hat into the ring and felt competent enough not to write but to write *for someone else.*
If you've been keeping up, I had a bit of a crisis over the course of this past week. There was the inherently traumatic flat tire which resulted in my not getting back from Orlando International until 4 o'clock in the morning of the day my Literature paper was due, of which I had at that point 3/10ths written. There was the Literature paper, and the frantic, stress-filled, agonized three days I spent in no other pursuits but formulating it. Then there was the packing as I was being kicked out of house and home for the winter break, and the inexorable drive home, which concluded in my plopping down in front of the computer at 10 o'clock on Saturday night to do anything but want to tear at my hair for the first time pretty much since a week before that.
Then there was the quick and vexing death of DSL not half an hour into my attempting to catch up with real (lowercase 'r') life on Sunday night. It was not resusitated until later on Monday, but that didn't matter as I spent both days in also aforementioned pursuits - chained to my sofa with Douglas, frantically working on the Secret Santa challenge fic I had about 3/5ths done. I did, however, manage to read the first page of my mail before it kerplunked and discovered that I had received one from the admins stating that since I hadn't responded to their previous email (sent earlier that morning) in the given twelve-hour timeframe, my recipient had been reassigned to receive a story from someone else.
This e-mail was about twenty minutes old when I got to my account. I quickly fired off a brief response, reassuring them that I was in fact close to completion and would finish well before Christmas, if a little belatedly as far as the original deadline is concerned, but well before they're due to be posted. Then Webmail died. So, I locked myself up and wrote some more, finally sending them a message from no fewer than two e-mail accounts, with my story coded to Don We Now Our Gay Apparel specifications as in-message text, an attached .txt file, and as an .html document. They didn't accept it. The person they asked to write the replacement story couldn't have known about their task for more than half an hour, and it's not like any one of them hadn't already done her fair share for the challenge.
There's also another essay formulating in here about people who can just sit down at any time of day or night, and make it happen on the page. It's like, if they didn't have to go to work or take care of life things, they could just sit down and this stuff would flow out of them in an uninterrupted stream. The replacement story my recipient got was great, I do not contest, it's just that whoever wrote it did it in the span of about a day, whereas I bled, cried, agonized, and possibly got myself that much closer to that ulcer at 30 than I'd been before. But I loved every minute of it. I knew my recipient, kept her in mind every time I opened it or scribbled down a random thought in the middle of a class as this story took shape. It's still hers, so far as I'm concerned, but there's a whine about that 'principle' thing in there.
My friend deserved better.
I deserved consideration.
*deep sigh* So it goes. My friend, in her infinitely kind and giving spirit, wants to write me happy!JoLa and I couldn't possibly love her more but there it is. I'm already onto planning what I'd like to choose for my next challenge, because apparently that's the way to get me to write, but whatever else it's going to be it's going to have all kinds of comfort food [pairing of choice] because babe, you were wronged and that's just deserving of a redress of grievances, and since we're all still only human, I'll do what I can.
P.S. My own Secret Santa's story was epic and amazing. Joey and Lance, Christmas in New York, and the author spun introspective!Joey magic from that. It's also interesting that a lot of the same themes that I explored in mine came up here, and sometimes even in the same wording. Heh. Great minds, tralala.
"If all that was true and, really, the only part Joey got was the bit about the Ugly Duckling, then Rudolph should be Lance's favorite movie, not Joey's. Because Lance was the one who hadn't fit in, who'd been lost and unwanted. He was the one who'd stepped in for Jason at the last minute, who the Germans had tried to nix their record deal over, the supposed liability who didn't belong, except he did. He always had, and *NSYNC wouldn't be *NSYNC without Lance, who was proving everyone wrong now, who was the swan he'd always been destined to be, the leader of Santa's little team of reindeer, not a reject. Except maybe Lance didn't know that, given how hard he was struggling to overcome his perceived failure.
Maybe that was why Rudolph wasn't Lance's favorite. Maybe Lance was the only one who didn't know he was a swan."
-On the Twelfth Day of Christmas
no subject
Date: December 26th, 2002 07:50 pm (UTC)But. It seems that the replacement writer actually asked to write the story, not that Pet and Georgina pleaded for her/his help. So I think that maybe, despite it being still very close to the re-assignment of the story, telling that writer not to bother might have been as big a disappointment to them as it was to you. In that case, it wouldn't have been fixing things, but rather complicating them further.
Also, I know you're not pointing a finger, and I get that you're merely disappointed with your story not having been included in the challenge when surely you've worked very hard on it. But reading your post, it did feel as though you were putting part of the blame for this on Georgina and Pet. I'm not saying it was your intention, but it IS what your post sounded like. And I don't think it's merely a question of interpreting your words. Too many people have read things into your post that you claim you didn't mean in the first place. Maybe you didn't. But your post might not have been clear enough in its intent, then.
I think maybe what you should be angry and sad about is your bad luck. I'm really sad things had to add up and get in the way of your meeting the deadline. I can most certainly understand your disappointment. Still, I think maybe you chose words a little too ambiguous to express it. Just a thought.
And in light of that, don't you think it might be possible that what your friend's Santa intended was not what you're interpreting as malevolence, but was merely the result of a clumsy choice in words? It could be that they never meant to hurt your friend at all, and that what you see as being disrespectful of the pairing and setting your friend chose, was in fact an attempt at humor? Maybe not a very good one, but still. Can you really be so certain they didn't put as much effort and care into it as you yourself put into yours?
Again, just a thought. And I'm not saying you aren't allowed to feel offended because of that fic. I'm just trying to... uh... I don't know, give my own thoughts on the matter. Just wanted to particpate in your debate. Hope you don't mind, and that by making your post public, your were indeed inviting reactions. :-)
no subject
Date: December 26th, 2002 09:48 pm (UTC)I kept that line just so that point is nice and clearly summed. Because that was the logic that my pouty inner three-year-old was operating on when she lamented in the original post, the same logic that my present-day twenty-year-old self recognizes as irrelevant to the fact of the deadline and the necessity to ensure that everyone had a story on Christmas morning.
It seems that the replacement writer actually asked to write the story, not that Pet and Georgina pleaded for her/his help.
As I understood from their collective posts, they asked for volunteers to fill in as replacements, and the ones who had ideas based on the recipient's specifications were assigned the stories. I could be wrong, but that's how it seemed to me. Which is a perfectly logical method, and has the highest chance of turning out well for everyone involved.
So I think that maybe, despite it being still very close to the re-assignment of the story, telling that writer not to bother might have been as big a disappointment to them as it was to you.
Again, as per my understanding, the writers tapped were all writers who had already signed themselves up for the challenge in the first place and were willing and able to make another go at it for someone else. They've already contributed their part and were going above and beyond, which is pay my-respects-admirable to me on their part, but they'd fulfilled their commitment.
And as a sidenote, thank you for acknowledging the fact that somewhere in there, I was disappointed too, whether that emotion was technically valid or not.
...reading your post, it did feel as though you were putting part of the blame for this on Georgina and Pet. Too many people have read things into your post that you claim you didn't mean in the first place. Maybe you didn't. But your post might not have been clear enough in its intent, then.
*nods slowly, tiredly, but the wiser for it* Not clear enough in its intent indeed. And I've posted about that separately as well as responding to replies and intend to send a copy of my post to both of them as soon as my mail service is back up, but this is the thing that I will keep apologizing for until I'm blue in the face, then take a breath and continue to do so, because I never intended to blame them in any way. Heck, the challenge was a rousing success, wasn't it? I was merely stating, however irrelevantly, which I mentioned in the post, that things didn't *have* to turn out the way they did, and here's the scenario and why. The way they did turn out, however, was ultimately right and proper, in spite of my feelings.
Obviously, I need to be more careful about my phrasing. My disappointment may well've colored the language, but that's something to be worked on.
And in light of that, don't you think it might be possible that what your friend's Santa intended was not what you're interpreting as malevolence, but was merely the result of a clumsy choice in words? Can you really be so certain they didn't put as much effort and care into it as you yourself put into yours?
Yes, I can. Like I've said, I won't post the link for various reasons, but my opinion, and I'm not alone in this but that was never a factor, stands as I've stated it. I know bad fiction, inexperienced fiction, failed fiction - I've read a *lot* in my past seven years in fandom, not to mention my past twenty in Real life. As I see it, the story's tone was snide, the characterizations underhandedly insulting, the treatment of the third element spiteful. It wasn't flat humor, it wasn't botched parody, it wasn't a first timer's honest effort, it was just plain hurtful. Which does sound like a ridiculous reading of the text given its surrounding context and apparent motivating force, but that's what I see and I'm sticking by it.
And thanks for not dictating my emotions. That was a fun contention to run across with others' posts, let me just say.
Continued...
no subject
Date: December 26th, 2002 09:49 pm (UTC)Aside from Nia, who is goddess extraordinaire, your comments have been the most welcome out of everything that's been said in its various forms on this topic.
Hope you don't mind, and that by making your post public, your were indeed inviting reactions.
I mind not at all. I welcome any all commentary, and I never friendslock anything, though god knows the suggestion has been made numerous times today. But when I have an opinion I can usually back it soundly, even if it might come off as hotheaded and not fully thought-through initially, as it seems to have happened here. But if I have something to say, I see no reason to keep it secret from anyone and accept the consequences willingly. I'm still willing to discuss even this, and will fire off about a thousand e-mails to people as soon as my service is back up again, but I don't intend to start censoring myself just because people are (and I was honestly shocked by this) reading my journal. As a matter of fact, I hope people say something if I'm out of line or make a good point. There's a reason why this journal isn't entirely privatized, after all.
I've said it a few times in there, but I do sincerely appreciate your taking the time to wade through all the muck and post this intelligent, considerate, and informed reply.