in actuality, I just play one in Real Life

[aruan]

As far as what you said, Jon, I'd love to agree with you that my up and leaving for whatever places is exotic and daring, but really, it's just expensive road-tripping. Now that it's really mattering now, now that I stand to be miserable for another term, another year, another graduation and I am paralyzed with fear of the unknown and by the uninsurable. I'll cop to confidence once I'm actually doing something, but before and leading up to it, I vascillate and whine and puke from performance anxiety just like the next person. When I'm doing it though, it comes down to either I do it, or it doesn't happen and then why have I come this far and why the fuck am I here. I have an optimistic outlook on life and am ready to see the positive in things is what I hear from people. Well, yeah. Dwelling on some of the utter shit we're in varying depths of isn't conducive even to late afternoon rising. And really, most of the time, it's good to be alive.

A "pile of intrigue" though? Hot damn. I wanna be me right about there. :)


Packing and leaving bad. Lance and JC pretty. This is all for now.

Comments

[xalxuffasch.livejournal.com]

As far as what you said, Jon, I'd love to agree with you that my up and leaving for whatever places is exotic and daring, but really, it's just expensive road-tripping.

Yeah, I think I got that a little. It's not that. I remember way back when, since I don't want to search back in your entries for it, about someone taking a semester off and how much you respect that. Jet setting around, even for such short times, seems to me to be something of the same, though to a lesser degree, of taking a semester off.

I'll cop to confidence once I'm actually doing something, but before and leading up to it, I vascillate and whine and puke from performance anxiety just like the next person

To be the apropriate brat that I am. Performance anxiety, me too. Though I don't remember either of us puking, or anything else so attractive, before opening night of The Performance.

And yes, a pile of intrigue. And I would want to be you if, you know, I wasn't overly ecstatic at being myself. Who doesn't dream of being a legend?

[gjstruthseeker.livejournal.com]

Though I don't remember either of us puking, or anything else so attractive, before opening night of The Performance.

I get close. But I really hate puking and there wasn't a close enough bathroom and it all dissipates into a sinking hollowness in my belly when the lights come up anyway, so it's all good.

Who doesn't dream of being a legend?

*pokes you some more* Never have I ever...